Kevin Costner's latest divorce

I have worked very hard in my life and made many sacrifices. When I am gone, there will be a couple of books, oil paintings, 70 articles in the Huffington Post (written and painted in my own hand) and hundreds of clients who will hopefully remember me as a fair and truthful legal arbitor in their French Property adventures.

I understand Kevin Costner: he seemingly works hard, not driven by money but he wants to ensure the legacy he will leave behind. Steve Jobs commissioned Walter Isaacson to write his Biography in an effort to set the record straight with his kids of why he wasn't always around. Hopefully the book provided a bit of solace for the days and nights that Dad wasn't there or seemed overly pre-occupied by the destiny he was creating.

The truth is you can't produce anything of substance or value unless you work damn hard. Perhaps such a concept is no longer in vogue but in a hundred years, Kevin Costner's films, some of them award winners, will be viewed with admiration.

I like Kevin Costner very much. I find him extremely attractive for his body of work. Clearly, any marriage is fraught with difficulties and problems and without compromise, it ends up falling apart. But sometimes you can compromise your life away and the fire in your belly is forever extinguished.

I divorced my ex-husband and completely transformed my life; the act of doing so impoverished me (I asked for nothing) but it made me determined to claw my way out of the darkness. It took years but now I live a comfortable life. I lost a lot along the way but gained contentment, or rather, the knowledge that I am what I am by the grace of God and living life on my own terms.

When there are children involved, as in the case of Mr Costner, it is relatively hard to be completely self-absorbed but a man's life is not worth living if he can't do what he is meant to be doing.  I am not far in age from Mr Costner and I too understand how fast water accelerates through the plug hole as the sink empties. Whether you fear death or not, it is a strange and horrible sensation that time is running out.

The soon-to-be ex Mrs Costner is fighting for vast sums of money in child support and alimony. May it make her happy. But I fear her idea of contentment and the priceless value of each moment are at odds with the one who will be remembered by millions for the small measure of joy he brought into their lives.

A rose I grew in my garden in France.

Photo and words copyright Samantha van Dalen 2023.

A Christmas Story

I heard this story at mass today and am posting it here for no other reason except that I hope it makes you feel good.

An impoverished home on Christmas Eve where a three year old girl is grappling with a roll of gold paper while she wraps a gift. Her father berates her for using too much paper. The little girl continues wrapping the box, her small hands clumsily cutting and folding the paper while her father scolds her loudly.

On Christmas Day she hands the box to her father. 'This is for you, Daddy.' Her father, filled with remorse, hugs the child and thanks her warmly. He opens the box and there is nothing in it. Once again he flies into a rage and screams, 'Don't you know that when you give a gift that there should be something in the box?!' The little girl's eyes fill with tears. 'There is something in it, Daddy! I filled the box with kisses for you.'

Photo copyright SvD.

Times might be changing but remain the same....

Indeed we are living in ever changing times but we seem convinced that yesterday was 'better' than today. Part of my experience of getting old is a type of incredulity when looking back at the past which is difficult to explain. Did I really do that? Was life so uncomplicated then? I also see my parents and their peers in a different light because the struggles and difficuties they encountered I have lived a hundred times over. Recently I have been dreaming of past loves, friends and acquaintances. Sometimes the dreams are so vivid but when I wake up I remember these encounters only vaguely. As we age we seem to inhabit a vortex of emotions both past and present and mostly we do not understand how happy we are right now. I have recently re-read 'The Incredible Lightness of Being' by Kundera which explores the relationship between Tomas and Teresa during the invasion of Czechoslovakia. I would highly recommend re-reading favourite books at different stages of life. 'Wuthering Heights' for example when devoured as an 18 year old is completely different as each decade passes. Every time we revisit a book we see the common theme of then and now. Who we were before determined our understanding of the passionate Heathcliff and the philandering Tomas. In our latter years we sympathise with both characters because we understand more about the conundrum of life which is both absurd and elegantly simple. Let me expalin. We deliberately complicate our lives ignoring that in the end we require very little of everything to be happy. 'What!', I hear you exclaim. Money, for example, won't make you happy, it merely encourages you to believe you can't live without it. There is an expression in Latin 'Poverty made me a genius'. When you have to innovate in order to survive, you develop other qualities too: courage and understanding both considered 'virtues'. Those who float through life unchallenged rarely achieve either.

Photos copyright SvD.

My tears for Prince Philip

I never met Prince Philip but I shed tears for him out of considerable respect and awe for the man he was. In an age of vacuousness which passes for wisdom, Prince Philip was his own man. What does that mean to be one's own person? To never follow fashion, to have original ideas, to be content in one's own company, to be the master of one's emotions, to eschew the superficial, to be modest. After Prince Philip's passing we came to understand that for decades he just carried on, carving a role that would become his legacy, supporting the Queen and his errant offspring and grandchildren. It is no small measure of a man that we only fully comprehend their vast accomplishments when they are gone. During his lifetime, Prince Philip never bleated about what he had done but now we can see that he was a force for good improving the lives of millions of young people in particular.

I wept too for the end of an era. Prince Philip had been around for my entire life. When the Queen goes I shall be equally as distraught. The Queen and Prince Philip are made of the stuff of legend. We shall never see the likes of them again.

Photo copyright SvD

When in Rome....

A client is an avid hunter and recently gifted me a quarter of a whole wild boar. I asked my neighbour, also a hunter, to help me carve it up. 

Boar is frankly delicious in steaks, pan fried in butter, or my preferred method of a slow cooked 'civet' with onions, garlic, thyme, bay leaves and red wine best served the next day.

Boar live off acorns, nuts aplenty. Nothing more organic or tasty, in my opinion.

Embrace the French way of life!

Photos copyright SvD

Vive La France!

Meghan and Harry race towards the invisible horizon

When I was little I probably wanted to marry a Prince, Cinderella did after all so why couldn't I? In one's 'salad days' all things seem possible. Perhaps it is a tragedy of the human condition when around our teenage years as we gain independence and begin to construct our view of life that the thought of marrying a Prince becomes less enticing. Anyone with a level head on their shoulders knows that fairy tales are pure fantasy. Crucially, not all damsels make suitable Princesses. Elegance, beauty, sympathy, honour, duty, kindness, bearing perfect children and quasi saintliness are rare attributes and few, if any women possess them all. The late Princess Diana came close to encompassing the above but as we know, her fairy tale evaporated with time. 

Diana and Prince Charles did themselves few favours when they appeared in those ghastly interviews spilling their guts but they did prove that they were fallible just like the rest of us. However by providing a bit too much information, both Diana and Charles came out looking less 'royal' and more 'alley cat'. Confessions of adultery and in Diana's case, promiscuity, are nothing to bleat about in public. One day Charles will be the Head of the Church of England yet confessed to trampling over several of the Ten Commandments. The new 'royal' therefore is a hybrid of  shared imperfections but with bucketloads of privilege and entitlement thrown in. More importantly, they must earn our respect otherwise we would not indulge them as we do.

Princess Diana was very much the catalyst for the new 'royals' we see today. She didn't stamp her feet hoping to revolutionise the Monarchy but because she was painfully unhappy in her marriage. Diana forced Charles' adultery out into the open in an act of revenge but did she destroy the Monarchy? There was certainly a discernable wobble when a surge of public sadness and anger at Diana's death threatened to overwhelm the Crown but to this day, it is our respect for the Queen which continues to sustain the Monarchy.  Had she been wiser during her lifetime, Diana would have understood that her revenge was an own goal. Despite her actions, the Queen endured, the instituion endured and not unbelievably, most Brits like having the Monarchy around. The Crown reminds us of tradition and history, a reminder of who we are and some might say, of how great we used to be. Who could not admire the Queen for her tremendous sense of duty? She has never faltered in her promise to dedicate her life to us. In no small measure, Prince Philip has played a huge part in supporting the Queen to whom he has been a 'strength and stay'. 

A quarter of a century after Diana's death, we arrive at the burning question: so, why did Meghan Markle marry Harry? If the answer isn't glaringly obvious, permit me to clarify: Ms Markle in all her confectioned and alarmingly plastic physiognomy, didn't marry in order to honour and respect the institution which is as instrinsic to Britishness as is milky tea. Surely there are hidden tribes even in the Amazon who have heard of Diana and her unhappiness? Ms Markle would have known about the Royal Family, its shenannigans, tantrums and tiaras like the rest of the world. She would have known that Diana, the innocent, doe-eyed virgin bride had had her life torn apart because she couldn't conform with what was expected of her (to tolerate her husband's infidelity). Ms Markle would have known that marrying into an historic institution is a bit more serious than a drunken hitch up in Vegas. Despite what she now claims she never knew, Ms Markle's tawdriness and tackiness will culminate tonight in that interview with Oprah, Patron Saint of those who simply must tell their 'truth' no matter what. Please observe carefully the difference between recounting one's perceived version of events and the truth. I won't be watching. There are too many people I know and love whose lives have been ruined by Covid, those who lost jobs, relatives, who have considered suicide, who have not had a hug, confined and housebound for over a year, those who have lost their livelihoods and cannot contemplate the future. Will I indulge Ms Markle and her meal ticket? No. Will the Monarchy survive Ms Markle? Yes. 

Photo copyright SvD 

Reincarnation where you least expect it ...

 

Photo copyright SvD.